Oregon

Industry secret

April 27, 2015 by campbell Leave a Comment

Postcard collage of bird and Hells Canyon with text that says Legendary Adventures Require Legendary Flavor. Reverse side of postcard collage showing Hells Canyon and bird.

Message on postcard:
Shannon and Ann — It was good to hear from you! Sorry I can’t make it to your summer party this year. The dogs are good and I’m working as a hiking guide here at Grand Canyon. You might be wondering, then, why I’m sending you a postcard of Hells Canyon. I’ll let you in on a little secret. Sometimes, when Grand Canyon is full, we’ll substitute in another canyon. Hells Canyon is a popular replacement, but we’ll also use Cataract Canyon, Black Canyon of the Gunnison, Canyon de Chelly, Waimea Canyon, and the Columbia River Gorge. Every now and then we’ll do a fjord or a crevasse, but they’re a little tricky. Visitors almost never notice, though.

Wild oats, domesticated animals

September 15, 2014 by campbell Leave a Comment

Message on postcard:
Hey Witzke — I know sometimes life comes at you fast. In the words of French artist Paul Gauguin, “Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going? Is it possible to have a baby with a cow?” Yes you can and it is never too late. Life is just not complete until you have a human-calf hybrid. People who don’t have them will never understand how fulfilling it is. You never know what love is until you look into the eyes of a hideous baby cow and see your face there. Also, it is selfish not to have a baby with a cow, and choosing not to do so makes you a bad person.