Hello Kathleen! A couple weeks ago I went to an art event in Portland, where I was complaining about the heavy-handedness of all the political paintings. But this here collage is pretty heavy-handed. I’m hoping that heavy-handed collages are good like heavy-handed political punk rock, and not bad like heavy-handed political paintings.Hello Sharon! Last weekend I went camping and it rained. In the autobiography of my life, I’m going to title that chapter “A River Runs Through It, Where ‘It’ Refers to My Tent”. But it was still fun — I’ve never regretted going camping, even when it rains. Which is probably a good thing, since it rains a lot in the Pacific Northwest.Hi Kevin — Last weekend I went camping at Cougar Hot Springs, which is east of Eugene, Oregon. Hot springs usually attract a lot of weird people, and this one was no exception. But they also attract non-weird people. Everyone is there, and the rich and the poor and the sane and the crazy are all the same, enjoying a peaceable naked soak in a place that smells faintly of rotten eggs. It is scary to think that hot springs might be our most realistic model of a classless society.
Hi Andrew — There is much debate these days about the signs and causes of America’s declining pre-eminence, but the popular discourse has completely overlooked a very important factor: The lack of consumer interest in scrimshaw, especially in knife handles. I am doing my part by owning a scrimshaw-handled knife and also using the word “scrimshaw” at every opportunity. It is a fun word to say. Scrimshaw.Hi Erin — How is Alberta? I hope it’s great. What you see here is a typical scene along California’s Upper Sacramento River. For years and years scientists searched far and wide for the elusive thoracic rainbow chakra. Then they got a hot tip from a grizzled old yogi to check the Sacramento River. And do you know what the crazy thing is? Once they got there, they found it — but only because it was inside them the whole time.Evgeniya — When I think of smooth animals, I don’t actually think of hyenas. In fact, they are probably some of the least smooth animals out there. They are constantly yelling and pigging out on dead carcasses. The wise old owl, now that’s a smooth animal. You look at an owl, you’re like, “What’s he thinking?” But you look at a hyena, you’re like, “Oh, gross, he’s binging on entrails.”
Hi Beth — Before I glued a bunch of stuff to it, this was a postcard of Mount Shasta. Off the top of my head I can think of Shasta, Mountain Dew, and Sierra Mist when I try to identify mountain-related beverage names. As far as I know, mountains are the only geological feature to have sodas named for them. I am going to write the relevant authorities to petition for a High Plains Fresca and an Arroyo Twist Pepsi.Hey Jeff — If there are three things in life that make me happy, it’s basic math, lenticular clouds, and Mount Shasta. This postcard reflects my love of all three. The “serious” artists I know say that I need to stop being so literal in my work. I don’t know, maybe they’re right.Hello Mollie! This is Mount Lassen. As you can see, it’s a perfect triangle. No, not really — don’t be fooled by the photorealism; it’s just a lifelike collage. When I hiked to the top of Mount Lassen in college, a kid was up at the summit with his grandfather, flashing gang signs in the pictures his granddad took. Nothing connotes street cred like flashing gang signs on a camping trip with elderly people.
Jennifer and Anthony — This is a postcard I picked up back in April on my first trip through Utah. All the rock formations there have imaginative names that supposedly describe their appearance. This one is supposed to be a poodle. I don’t see it, but it’s probably good that someone with more imagination named these things. If it had been left up to me, every single formation would be named “Yet Another Rock Thing”.Hello Sacha! Right now my dog Skillet is chewing on a bone. He’s really getting into it, and it’s not even a real bone, it’s one of the fake ones from the store. But he still has this intense “I am fulfilling my primary function” thing going on. He seems really content. I should write a self-help book for the hyper-analytical called Finding Your Primary Function.Hey Steve — Do you ever wonder this? I wonder this all the time. “What am I doing with my life?” I ask myself. And if only I was better at lying to myself, this question could get me really psyched up. In fact, I think that is probably how Dog the Bounty Hunter got so successful. Every morning he woke up believing he was a bounty hunter, and then he was one. br> br>I am a bounty hunter. I am a bounty hunter. I am a bounty hunter.
Hello Elizabeth! This is a postcard with a giraffe on it. Giraffes have long necks and long legs and live in Africa. Below is the flag from an African country called Niger. Most flags are rectangles, but Niger’s flag is a differently shaped rectangle from most other flags … it’s a little more square-shaped. Pretty neat, huh?The above-mentioned flag, and a little giraffe doodle.Hello Carmel! The beverage in this collage has a spherical ice cube in it. The fact that there is consumer demand for spherical ice has me a little concerned about the overall well-being of humankind. “Give me spherical ice!” sounds like the fever-dream demand of a crazy person.Bridget and Jory — The best part of my trip through South Dakota was meeting with the Buddha. I found him meditating under a banyan tree in the Black Hills. Banyan trees don’t survive the winters there, so every spring he has to special order a banyan sapling from a Rapid City nursery. Then he drives it to the hills and sets it atop a wooden ladder so he can meditate beneath it. I asked him the secret of happiness and he told me to buy a special meditation mat and a gong and a kimono and a “Sounds of Waterfalls” album from iTunes and that’s all it takes. So far it hasn’t worked; I think I bought the wrong kind of kimono.