Message on postcard:
Hey man — It feels good to finally get this off my chest. It’s been so awkward dodging all the questions. “Why do you sleep on the floor?” “How come there’s fur everywhere?” “Is that a bone you’re chewing on?” Well, I’m a dog. There, I finally said it. God, that feels better.
Scientifically designed
Message on postcard:
Hi Wyatt — Greetings from my home in Arizona, and thanks for requesting a postcard. It’s car themed, probably because I’ve been futzing around with cars lately. We don’t have any testosterone-promoting cars; we have my Vanagon and my fiancé’s busted-ass Ford Focus. This weekend I’m replacing the valve cover gasket and a motor mount on the Ford. I’m extremely insecure about my manhood, so before I begin the job I’ll be consuming a testosterone milkshake made out of old truck tires.
-Mike
Post-postcard update:
After I wrote this postcard, I fixed the above-mentioned problems and some miscellaneous other issues. It required a trip to the junkyard to pull parts. While there, I saw a certain white Ford Bronco.
Average Man
Message on postcard:
Dear Flink: Most people don’t know this, but Friedrich Nietzsche devoted most of Thus Spoke Zarathustra to a long-winded discussion of the caloric reserves of the übermensch. According to Nietzsche, the übermensch can store ten thousand calories of carbohydrates, and ten million calories of fat. But even these numbers, inconceivable as they may seem, may be underestimates. Today, modern philosophers estimate übermensch caloric reserves at fifty million from carbohydrates, and one billion from fat.
Most artists depict the übermensch as a granary filled with butter.
-Mike
Supertaster
Message on postcard:
Hey Stew
I know you have awesome taste
So I made you this
Sincerely,
Tasters Club of America
Daft Punk cares
Message on postcard:
Hey Mikey — I hope you and Chris come to the post-wedding party that Mandy and I are having next summer. You’ll want to check with Mandy for specifics; right now I’m busy making Daft Punk cancer jokes.
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