Fully Psyched

A conglomeration of things

A conglomeration of things

Subscription postcards: Washington State, where specialists can help

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Collage made from Washington state postcard
Hello Mollie! Greetings from Seattle. I’m visiting the city for Thanksgiving. Here is a short list of things you can buy in Seattle:

– Sleepless in Seattle shot glass
– Space Needle T-shirt
– Kurt Cobain memorabilia
– Coffee

I am always worried about a big earthquake hitting Seattle. My friend here has a magnetic knife holder in his kitchen. I asked him if the knives would fall off in a strong earthquake. Would it be safe? He said his plan is to be in another room.
Postcard collage of cartoon dog overflying Mount Saint Helens
Hello Elizabeth! Greetings from Seattle. Seattle is a city in Washington state. There are mountains on one side and water on the other. On the way here I passed Mount Saint Helens. It erupted in the year 1980. That was 32 years ago. The top of the mountain came off in the eruption! Thankfully, scientists told everyone to go somewhere safe before it erupted. Smaller eruptions are making a new mountain inside the crater from 1980. Mount Saint Helens is very neat. I climbed to the top once. It was cold and snowy up there!
Postcard collage about mountains
Sacha — Greetings from Seattle! I’m up here for Thanksgiving. It’s a little late in the year to visit St. Helens if you’re not climbing it. I climbed it on Mother’s Day in 2003. The tradition is to climb the mountain wearing a dress. I had a frilly yellow tutu on over my pants. There’s an extra incentive to be safe when you climb in a tutu — it would be embarrassing for rescuers to find your ridiculous-looking, tutu-clad body at the bottom of a cliff.

Later that year I duct taped the tutu to a satellite dish I found on the curb. I dragged the tutu-satellite-dish combo behind my truck while I drove down a forest service road. I wanted to see what would happen. I’m not sure what I was expecting.

As an added bonus, here are some pictures of the above-mentioned satellite dish and tutu. Here you can see my friend Tom helping to set up the experiment, plus a live shot of the test rig.

Subscription postcards: Mammals, spiders, and the Internet explained

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Postcard collage of hamster, house, and Crater Lake
Hello, Sharon! This is a postcard that I picked up back at Crater Lake in October. I had some animal adventures there: There was a mouse in my house. In fact, I had two mice in my house … they were living under the back seat of my van. I was concerned that they would chew through the wiring and leave me stranded, but I was more worried that the dogs would see the mice and chew up the van trying to get at them. Fortunately, my dogs, though lovable, are neither observant nor smart, and I was able to trap the mice without their knowledge.
Postcard collage of Mount Shasta and the Internet
Hello Kathleen! Remember when people didn’t know what the Internet was? Now everybody knows and it’s everywhere. I need to find out how that happened, because I want everybody to know about and have access to a 1975 AMC Pacer. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all had 1975 AMC Pacers to go with our Internet?
Postcard collage of Mount Saint Helens and gigantic spider
Hello Jennifer! It is spider season in the Pacific Northwest. From October through about January big ugly spiders — approximately the size of Mount Saint Helens — start getting chilly and they look for new winter homes indoors. The best defense against the winter spider season is to live in a house owned by a landlord who hasn’t lost his will to live and let the ever-encroaching Northwest vegetation engulf the home over a period of many anhedonic years.

Mike

ps: Once my dog Kaida ate a spider and her head swole up to the size of a basketball. She was fine, though.
The reverse side of the spider postcard.

One more postcard: 99-cent mammoth

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Postcard collage of mammoth, aurora borealis, sea stacks, and a 99-cent price tag
Hello Johan! Thanks for backing my Kickstarter project and for sending along your address. I made this postcard between South Dakota and California in July. Now it’s November, and I’m heading north to Seattle tomorrow to visit my friends Megan and Reid for Thanksgiving. My family is scattered around the country in Colorado and Iowa and Massachusetts, so it’s nice to have friends in my neck of the woods. I’m glad I’m finally able to send this postcard; I like mammoths and this postcard is one of my favorites. Sorry for not reminding you to send your address; I should have sent an email! Hope you have a great holiday season.

Subscription postcards: Heavy-handedness, Pacific Northwest camping, and things that smell like eggs

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Heavy-handed postcard about how man differs from animals.
Hello Kathleen! A couple weeks ago I went to an art event in Portland, where I was complaining about the heavy-handedness of all the political paintings. But this here collage is pretty heavy-handed. I’m hoping that heavy-handed collages are good like heavy-handed political punk rock, and not bad like heavy-handed political paintings.
Postcard about camping, rain, smoothness, a starfish, and the visible spectrum.
Hello Sharon! Last weekend I went camping and it rained. In the autobiography of my life, I’m going to title that chapter “A River Runs Through It, Where ‘It’ Refers to My Tent”. But it was still fun — I’ve never regretted going camping, even when it rains. Which is probably a good thing, since it rains a lot in the Pacific Northwest.
Postcard about hot springs and a classless society.
Hi Kevin — Last weekend I went camping at Cougar Hot Springs, which is east of Eugene, Oregon. Hot springs usually attract a lot of weird people, and this one was no exception. But they also attract non-weird people. Everyone is there, and the rich and the poor and the sane and the crazy are all the same, enjoying a peaceable naked soak in a place that smells faintly of rotten eggs. It is scary to think that hot springs might be our most realistic model of a classless society.

Subscription postcards: Scrimshaw, chakras, and hyenas

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Postcard about knives, scrimshaw, and declining American pre-eminence.
Hi Andrew — There is much debate these days about the signs and causes of America’s declining pre-eminence, but the popular discourse has completely overlooked a very important factor: The lack of consumer interest in scrimshaw, especially in knife handles. I am doing my part by owning a scrimshaw-handled knife and also using the word “scrimshaw” at every opportunity. It is a fun word to say. Scrimshaw.
Postcard about thoracic chakras and the Upper Sacramento River.
Hi Erin — How is Alberta? I hope it’s great. What you see here is a typical scene along California’s Upper Sacramento River. For years and years scientists searched far and wide for the elusive thoracic rainbow chakra. Then they got a hot tip from a grizzled old yogi to check the Sacramento River. And do you know what the crazy thing is? Once they got there, they found it — but only because it was inside them the whole time.
Postcard about extra smooth hyenas, and also owls.
Evgeniya — When I think of smooth animals, I don’t actually think of hyenas. In fact, they are probably some of the least smooth animals out there. They are constantly yelling and pigging out on dead carcasses. The wise old owl, now that’s a smooth animal. You look at an owl, you’re like, “What’s he thinking?” But you look at a hyena, you’re like, “Oh, gross, he’s binging on entrails.”

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