I don’t know about you, but I am fed up with gravity. Curse these earthly shackles!

But I have devised a new gravity avoidance method (pictured here). It allows you to ascend toes-first into the sky. The method requires intense concentration. I think that is why it has not worked out so well for me. I have a difficult time dealing with distraction.

I almost got the method to work one time, but then I heard a radio commercial for a car dealership. Lesson learned: Turn off the radio before attempting an inverted levitation.

Another thing that can affect your success is whether you have had too much to eat. Please fast for at least 25 minutes before attempting the method.

I guess the last thing I need to say is that you will need to secure an FAA permit for some real high-altitude shit. Otherwise, please restrict yourself to a flight ceiling of 3,000 feet.

Also, if you figure out how to really make it work, please let me know.